In today’s society, we have completely lost the knowledge of how to stop being judgmental of other people. It’s so common now. It’s almost like a sport: “How can we go out of our way to judge someone down to their very bones?”
Sure, no one says it *like that,* but you and I both know that’s what it boils down to.
We judge. We make fun of. In every way we possibly can, we try to make ourselves superior to others. We dig to find any and every reason why someone is “less than” of us.
And it’s toxic as hell. But unfortunately, toxicity is the world’s most common trait. It’s normalized. Being unflinchingly NON-judgmental is literally stigmatized because of it.
But at the same time, we HAVE to stop being judgmental. The world NEEDS those souls that are so non-judgmental it’s hard to even fathom where their kind hearts come from.
So I want to share how we can stop being so judgmental of other people all the time – especially the ones that we don’t even personally know.
The Story that Sparked This Post
The past few weeks, I’ve seen a few things on social media that have me REALLY thinking about this topic. It’s been driving me nuts. But there’s one in particular that I need to show.
I talked about this on my Instagram Stories, because I just couldn’t fathom it. I saw a video of Meghan Markle speaking with a reporter about her tough time with the transition into being a newlywed, royal, and a mother.
You could tell that she was having a hard time, and I think her being so honest about her struggles showed the strength she has! But alas…
Some of the comments I saw on the video were simply cruel. People were saying things like, “Try doing that as a single mom – you have it so easy! Stop complaining!” or “You made the choice to be a royal, get over it.”
My heart hurt for Meghan reading those comments. They were so mean, and I couldn’t even imagine how she might have felt if she had read them herself. And maybe she had.
Eventually I had to just stop reading them because I was getting angry. I don’t think ANYONE – not even a famous person who *seems* like they have it all – should have to go through something like that.
I don’t think someone who’s brave enough to step into the world and share what he or she is struggling with should have to deal with those kinds of shitty comments.
It got me thinking sooooo much about this whole topic of being judgmental. Sure, being judgmental is so common now, but it doesn’t have to be. Things can always be changed.
So if you’re ready to learn how to stop being judgmental toward other people, keep reading!
Don’t Compare Traumas and Hardships
This was the biggest problem I saw on the post with Meghan Markle. Comments were comparing what HER hardships were to those of the single mother, the not-rich mother, the mother who wasn’t married into the royal family…
And at the end of it all, it shouldn’t have mattered.
Here’s the thing about this: Meghan Markle can struggle through her shit. The single mother can struggle through her shit. The mom who’s living on food stamps can struggle through her shit. And it’s all valid!
Comparing hardships does absolutely nothing for anyone. They’re not comparable. Unless you compare two struggles and/or traumas that are exactly the same in every capacity, there shouldn’t be any room for judgment.
And no two situations will ever be the same because they affect two different people. It’s just not possible to put them on the comparison table and come out with a reasonable answer!
There are a thousand examples of this, but let’s stick with Meghan Markle. You could tell in the video I saw that she was struggling with all the transitions she’s in in her life right now. And you know what?
I don’t understand any of her struggles. I’m not a new mom, I’m not married into the royal family, and I’m not a newlywed in general. I can’t even begin to relate to what she’s talking about.
But that doesn’t matter. If she says she’s having a hard time with something….SHE’S HAVING A HARD TIME. Done. End of story.
She’s the only one inside of her head and is therefore the only one that can *really* know what the hell is going on.
And that goes for any other example of this in the entire world. And I see this being done all the time.
When I left college in 2018, for example, one of the reasons I left was because I could feel my mental health deteriorating again. There were some people that literally said to me, “It’s not that bad – my anxiety or depression didn’t affect me that bad.”
The only thing that I could say to them was that it didn’t matter if their mental illness didn’t affect them that much. My trauma wasn’t the same as theirs!
It’s easy to judge other people based on what YOU go through. A part of that is the natural inclination of humans to connect with each other.
But if you’re judging people based on struggles, it’s not healthy in any way. Trauma and hardships can’t be compared to one another because every single one is different for every single person.
Ask Yourself: “How would it feel if someone said to me?”
This is so easy I’m almost nervous to put it into this blog post. And yet…
…it’s not asked enough.
It’s another one of those things that we as a society have completely let go of. People have a tendency to say mean/judgmental things and not even wonder how it would affect *them* because it’s a way for them to avoid the reality of their negativity.
Feel called out? Good. I’m here to bring the honest truth out about the world, and that’s one of them.
If you ever find yourself saying something judgmental, and then ask yourself how YOU would feel only to realize that it’s actually kinda hurtful…
It’s a harsh reality to face. Suddenly you’re faced with your own mean comment and the consequences of it. And that really sucks.
But at the same time, acknowledging what sucks is imperative to personal growth. And you have to grow personally in order to truly see the real answer to, “How would I feel if that was said to me?”
The moment you start asking yourself that, you see what is judgmental and what isn’t. With clarity, comes better action.
Then you can start to only put out good vibes to the world and to other people. Your judgment will start to disappear (note: it won’t go away overnight.) You’ll become a better version of yourself who only spreads kindness, one step at a time.
Related: How to Be Kind to Someone Who’s Mean to You
If You Don’t Know Them Personally, Stay Out of It
This is, again, with Meghan Markle. Out of all the comments I saw on that post, how many of those people *actually* know her personally?
My solid bet is none. But maybe there’s a few.
When did we decide that we have the power to pass judgment on people we don’t even know in real life? Like…what?
There’s hundreds of celebrities out there that I could be judgmental about based on the fraction of true information I *might* know about them…
But what’s the freaking point? It’s not helpful for anyone! If I don’t know who they are, I have no reason to share my opinions about them, especially if they’re going to be mean and judgmental. It doesn’t make sense.
And even then, the people that you’re being judgmental to probably aren’t going to pay attention to what you have to say they don’t know who you are.
I think it’s perfectly to offer *welcomed* advice and opinions to people that you know in real life. But if you don’t know them, it’s just an absolute waste of your time AND theirs.
If you can simply remember that it’s better to stop being judgmental to people that you don’t know, you’ll remove a LOT of negativity to the world.
We live in an age that makes a LOT of people accessible to us; especially those we don’t know. Instead of judging those people, worry about the people that you only know in real life.
Just imagine how much hassle we could save ourselves and others!
What Do You TRULY Have to Gain By Being Judgmental?
I recommend sitting and really thinking about this one for a minute. I mean you probably KNOW the answer, but just try to really dig into it.
Do you ACTUALLY have anything to gain from being a judgmental jerkface? (I’m feeling very sassy as I’m writing this, if you can’t tell, haha!)
I mean, sure, you might get some immediate satisfaction, but after a while…those judgments you pass onto other people will start to sit like an uncomfortable weight on your chest. And no one wants that.
If you can tell yourself, every single time you’re about to be judgmental toward others, that there’s nothing about doing it that will truly benefit your life, you’ll stop.
It’s Time We ALL Stop Being Judgmental of Other People
The world is so incredibly full of judgment, and it’s really sad to see. We need to start eliminating those negative things we say from our brains and practice kindness as much as possible.
Yes, not being judgmental takes a lot of work, but it’s 100% worth it. Don’t forget that!
Let me know what you think of this post in the comments,