Disclaimer: I am not a medical professional. If you or anyone you know is feeling suicidal, you need to seek professional help. I cannot offer those services to you. 

Hey there.

First thing’s first, I want to say that I’m not writing this because I have any inclination as to what you are actually going through.

Everyone’s story is different. I can’t jump into your mind and I won’t pretend to know what’s causing you to feel this way. But the point is that I want you to know that whatever the reason is, I’m here for you. 

We probably have never met, and this might be the first time you’re hearing from me at all. But I promise you when I say that I don’t want you to have to fight this battle on your own.

Here’s the thing:

I’ve never personally been suicidal. Yes, I have depression, but no, I have never been down that road. So I know you might be thinking, “Why am I reading this if you don’t even know what it’s like?”

My opinion? I don’t have to know. All I need to know is that no one on this earth should ever have to feel like the way you’re feeling nor should they have to go through it alone.

But can I tell you a quick story? Because I do have some experience with suicide, but in a different way.

I lost my oldest brother to suicide when I was 10 years old. I was young, and it took me a long time to really understand what had happened. In some ways, I feel like dealing with that loss has gotten worse as I’ve gotten older because of the delayed understanding.

After I understood what happened, I was so full of regret about what I should have done. But there wasn’t anything I could do!

There is something I can do now, though. I can be there for you if you’re feeling suicidal in the present, and not be stuck in the past. 

The moral I personally have taken from the loss of my brother is that I now need to be someone who’s there for you. You don’t have to go through this alone.

So, yeah, I see you. I know you’re out there in the world somewhere, fighting to stay another day. Fighting for another breath when it just hurts to breathe. Fighting the urge to end it all.

Keep fighting.

I don’t want to be the person that sits here and tells you, “You have so much to live for! You have so much potential! Everything is gonna be okay!” But frankly, all of those are true.

Look, I don’t know much about you, and I don’t know what your dreams are or what you want your ideal life to look like. But I can tell you this: every person on this earth has the ability to do something great. 

And if you stop and end it all right now, you’ll never know what that great thing will be.

Your great thing doesn’t have to be some extraordinary thing we see in the movies. Your great thing could be something that seems simple.

Your pure existence could be the something great that someone else sees you as, and you could be what changes their life.

In a few years, you could turn into a parent and your children will become the greatest thing in your life.

There’s so many great things that could happen.

I know it’s probably really hard to look past everything that makes you feel like your life isn’t worth living. But I’m rooting for you SO HARD OVER HERE!! Like I give 0 shits that we may have never met, I want you to keep fighting.

There isn’t a single person on this earth who deserves to fight this battle on their own. You deserve a teammate. I’ll be that person.

I’ll be the person that will tell you that each day you’re still here is a battle that you’ve won. Even if all you did was wake up and you laid in bed all day, you won. And I want you to think about what your wins are every single day! I hope those are the things that get you through so that you can eventually win this war.

You are amazing. You are strong. You are incredible and you have so much light within you and you can push out the darkness one little shove at a time.

I can’t tell you how long this war will last (although I absolutely wish I could!). But I want to be here for you through it all. If you have no one else, you have me.

And even if you read this and you never want to hear from me again, I’m still here for you. My little corner of the world is small, but it’s got a lot of love in it.

Whatever it is that you’re fighting, you’re not alone.

I want you to wake up every day knowing that your battles and wins are adding up. Every day that you are still here, you’re kicking suicide in its butt.

Don’t give up.

Always here,

Sierra Mafield Blog

P.S. The National Suicide Hotline based in the US is 1-800-273-8255. They are available 24 hours a day, should you find the need and you want to call them. 

P.P.S. I’m always open. Seriously. Please email me at contact@sierramafield.com if you need someone. You can find my contact page here.