Listen OR read it as a blog post below!
You hear people say this all the time: “Accept who you are!! You’re amazing just the way you are!!” But…that’s still pretty hard, right?
It really seems impossible to simply wake up one morning, tell yourself in the mirror, “You rock!” and move on without any other need for convincing.
We live in a world where hating yourself is normal. It’s a really sad thing to see so prevalent, but it’s the unfortunate reality!
But we also live in a world where all we ever hope for is to be happy. And don’t get wrong – that’s a GREAT thing to see! The only issue, though, is that you can’t be happy and hate yourself at the same time.
Those two things will never, ever coincide with each other. And when all you want in life is to be happy, but you’re struggling with truly accepting yourself….you’ll never be happy.
It’s that simple to say. But let’s dive into why that is!
The Way Lack of Self-Acceptance Affects Joy
You are with yourself 24/7. Every single second of your life, from the moment you’re born until the day you die, is spent with YOU. There isn’t anyone else in the world that spends that much time with you!
Your brain is with you all the time. The thoughts, the emotions, the feelings…all of it.
If you are having all sorts of negative thoughts about who you are, how can you expect to ever feel joy? You’ll be stuck struggling with all of those self-degrading emotions and those suck!
At the end of the day, it doesn’t matter how much you work on fixing everything around you. You could have the perfect life, but if your thoughts about yourself aren’t positive, you won’t be happy.
Happiness requires you to work on both the inner work AND the outer work. And in my opinion, it needs to start with the inner work.
Why Self-Acceptance Has Such an Impact on Everything Else
Being able to accept who you are means that you gain an insane amount of self-respect. When you have self-respect, it’s like nothing else can touch you.
When you’re happy with yourself, you stop allowing other people make you unhappy. You no longer let them bring negativity into your life.
In a lot of ways, the only reason we allow so much negativity into our lives is because we allow it from ourselves. Think about it: if you aren’t looking at yourself in a positive way, what gives you the motivation to stop other forms of negativity?
Confident people don’t let other people say bad things about them that aren’t true. People who love themselves stand up to their bullies because they know their worth – they don’t let anyone else define it with negative energy.
Do you see how this all works? When you stop allowing *yourself* to bring negative energy to *yourself*, you stop allowing it in every other aspect of your life. That’s really powerful stuff!
My History with Self-Acceptance
I remember when I was younger, there were so many aspects of myself that I truly hated.
The way I looked was something I loathed. I always had acne, I was short (I still am, but I find it more cute than anything else now, lol), and my teeth were crooked (still are!). Those are just examples.
There were so many parts of my personality that I just hated being with.
I always tried to fit in with the version of me that everyone else wanted me to be and figure out how I can make myself the most likable for everyone in the room.
It never worked. I was never happy. I wasn’t happy with me, and I wasn’t happy with the rest of my life. By not accepting who I was, I allowed in all sorts of negative thoughts about myself.
Because of that, I let everyone else act negatively toward me. People walked all over me like it wasn’t a problem. I accepted negative things as my life as just a part of life because I was already in a negative space inside of my own head that felt permanent.
But over the years, I’ve gotten over those things. I have accepted every part of who I am:
- the (actually) awesome parts of me that I tried to hide when I was younger due to lack of confidence
- the way I look
- my TRUE flaws (not the ones that we tend to make up about ourselves – my actual flaws. Everyone has some.)
- my anxiety and depression
- and so much more!
And by doing so, my life has changed drastically. I no longer allow other people to bring negativity and toxicity into my life. I stand up for myself when it’s needed.
Everything about my life has improved and it’s because I stopped hating who I am.
Now, I want to make it clear: accepting who you are does NOT automatically mean that everything else in your life will stop sucking. All of the outer work still has to be done and it very much matters!
But the point is that the outer work will only have its benefits when the inner work is also happening. The two must exist together!
Accepting yourself is a hard thing to do, though. I totally get that. So I wanted to give you 4 tips to help you with this process! You deserve to feel happy and to love who you are exactly the way you are.
Keep reading to get those tips and to start this personal happiness journey NOW!
Tip #1: Start by understanding that this is a long process – it won’t happen overnight
It can be SO frustrating to be working towards something that you REALLY want, but don’t see immediate results with. (I can MAJORLY relate to that, haha!)
This especially applies to something like your happiness. Everyone wants to be happy. In an ideal world, you’d be able to feel that happiness the moment you think of it.
But it doesn’t work that way. And it doesn’t work with self-acceptance, either. The journey to accept who you are is a long one. There will be a lot of ups and downs, and you might even miss a few steps along the way!
So if you go into this now already armed with the knowledge that this might take some time, you’re prepared. You won’t be disappointed. You won’t struggle with the thought that you’re doing something wrong.
Knowledge is power!
Tip #2: Journal about it
Ahhh, journaling. I’m convinced that this tip is one that I include in almost every post and every episode, but it’s just so good.
Journaling is a very powerful tool in many ways, and it definitely applies to self-acceptance!
Related: How to Journal so It’s Actually Beneficial for You
The best thing that you can do is sit down with your journal and start writing about all the things that you don’t like about yourself. That might seem like a harsh tip, but it’s useful!
It’s useful because journaling allows you to get all of those negative thoughts about yourself out of your brain. And that’s the beauty of it! Once something is out of your brain, there’s a MUCH higher chance that you won’t think about it at all.
After you write down all of those things, there’s two things that you can do:
- Physically destroy those pages. You can tear them up to pieces, or if you’re anything like me, burn them. Doing so feels like a release! You released them from your brain, and now you’re getting rid of them entirely. It might seem stupid, but it can be a very powerful thing to do.
- Turn your negative thoughts into affirmations. Essentially, you take time to re-frame the negative thoughts into ones that sound more positive and repeat them to yourself over and over again every day. Imagine what you would feel like saying those positive things to yourself and believing them. Dig into those feelings as you say your affirmations – repetition will do you a favor in this regard!
And if you need help with affirmations, you should check this out, or sign up below to get a worksheet that will do just that! I give you 30 affirmations you can use TODAY so you don’t have to make them up yourself. 🙂
Tip #3: Pay attention to the way you talk about yourself and the way you let others talk about you
Here’s how this works:
You send a message to the rest of the world about how others should talk to you.
If you don’t feel confident and you say negative things about yourself all the time, then other people will get the memo and they will do the same thing.
Honestly, only people that are straight assholes say bad things about you simply because THEY want to. Or maybe you’re just a bad person…but let’s just assume that’s not true, haha.
Most often, if someone is saying something negative about you, it’s because they got permission from YOU to do it! People simply pick up on the way you treat yourself, and therefore treat you the same way.
You need to start being very intentional about paying attention to the language you use when talking about yourself.
Half of the time, the negative language you might use about yourself is a subconscious habit. That’s why it’s so easy to let it out all the time!
When you take the time to truly be mindful about what you’re saying, you can pick up on a lot of that negativity. When you pick up on it, you can do something about it!
You can then start to rewrite that language into something more positive for both you and others around you (a similar process to the affirmations I mentioned above!)
Tip #4: Invest in some type of coach or mentor that can help you with self-acceptance (invest meaning money OR time!)
I would obviously LOVE to help you out with this! That’s part of my job with my coaching. 🙂
But I also want to tell you guys about another coach that would be amazing to help you out with self-acceptance!
Her name is Hannah Maree, and she is an absolute gem of a woman. Hannah is a confidence coach, and she teaches women how to feel like the most YOU you’ve ever felt! She talks all about self-care, meditation, confidence (obviously lol) and plenty of other awesome topics!
Do yourself a favor and check out her website AND her Instagram! (Her Instagram is a beautiful comforting purple and it’s AMAZING!)
Even if working with either myself or Hannah isn’t an option you’re interested in, it’s a good idea to invest in SOME sort of a coach! (And that doesn’t have to mean money – it could just mean time!)
Coaches create their entire businesses because they want to help people who are going through what they’ve ALREADY gone through!
Working with a coach can move your journey to self-acceptance along much faster. You don’t always have to go it alone and try to manage any hardships you come across all by yourself!
And by the way…if you want to work with ME, read this!
Ready to take what you’re reading to the next level? Check this out!
Knowing how to accept who you are is essential to your happiness – and now you know where to start!
Knowing how to accept who you are can be a complicated process, but it’s a necessary one! If you want to feel happiness and joy in your life, you need to accept who you are exactly the way you are. You deserve it! 🙂